While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
im on a boat
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