Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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