he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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