I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
