i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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