All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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