Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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