I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
