i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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