i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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