You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
