We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
