While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
