Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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