You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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