hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
