I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
