I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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