Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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