How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
