Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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