Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
