mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize