If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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