so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize