dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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