he was CRYING into my vagina
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
