so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
