so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
