I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
