Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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