He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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