i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
