I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
