3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
