I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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