For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
