I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
