If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
