Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let's get the cat blown out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
