Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
