Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
