Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
