I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
