Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
