he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your cock deserves a montage
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
