i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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