He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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