My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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