You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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