Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
