I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
