I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
