I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize