her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
