So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
