he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
