im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
