if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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