this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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