Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize