Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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