Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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