the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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