If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What drink are we having for lunch?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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