i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
