I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
