I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
