I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
