He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
