What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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