Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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