Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
