just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
