morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
someone owes me an orgasm
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
