She went from zero to smokin in five shots
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
