i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
