Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
