so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
