You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
