i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
