Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
