don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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