i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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