We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
