we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
