I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
