so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
