Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
