her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
