Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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