can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize