Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
