So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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