also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
