My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Randomize