You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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