There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
