Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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