Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize