Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
