The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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