i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize