she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
