you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
